trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
