I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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