I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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