Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
i've created a new STD.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
