I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
