first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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