I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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