I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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