All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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