rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
