This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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