You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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