I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
zippers are such a cool invention
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
