That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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