Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
