i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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