We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one acquire holy water?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize