come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
