how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
