Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
