first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
