it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
