i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
