Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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