how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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