Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
