I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
