apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
