member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
