I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I puked a lego.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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