you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
