some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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