Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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