You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
