yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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