Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
