Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
