Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
