The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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