maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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