a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
