How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
