you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
