oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I will die if light touches me.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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