and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
