You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm too high and old for this...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
