This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize