yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
