I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am midnight drunk by noon
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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