You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize
