Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
