sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
