If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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