I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Randomize
