I met the friendliest cop last night
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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