so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
