I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
