I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
