i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
