Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
