I need help removing her.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
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She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
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Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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