you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Two words: blizzard sex
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
