Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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