I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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