Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
