So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
