Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
