Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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