i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
