i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
