Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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