I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Randomize
