He asked to "fluff my boner.."
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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