video games are the ultimate cock blocker
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
