I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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