Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
