Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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