weddingsv make me drug and hornr
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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