The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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