He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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