I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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