I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
