what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
where does the pee come out of this thing
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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