He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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