wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'd cum for enchiladas.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
