Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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