whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
