hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
