Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
