i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
