We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
