i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
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BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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